


Religions of the Twenty-First Century, Section 4.13

by BentonLounge



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blasphemy, Cursed content, Gen, Humor, Religion, astrology is mentioned but everything said about it is completely wrong, do not read this fic because you want to read true facts about real things, everything said about homestuck is also completely wrong, read this fic in the hope that you will find it funny, written at 3AM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26854276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BentonLounge/pseuds/BentonLounge
Summary: In the far future, historians have only limited surviving documents and archaeological evidence from which to reconstruct our society. They notice the prevalence of twelve symbols in particular in our popular culture, and hey, those are from that thing called Homestuck, aren't they? This Homestuck thing must be pretty important.This is an excerpt from the history textbook they wrote.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Religions of the Twenty-First Century, Section 4.13

**Chapter 4: Religions of the Twenty-First Century**

_Section 13: Astrology_

Another popular religion at the time was Astrology, centered around a pantheon of twelve beings, each of which was commonly associated with and depicted via one of twelve different Astrological symbols collectively referred to as the Zodiac. Fairly little information survived regarding this religion or its popularity, but the symbols can be found in many households engraved on everyday items such as jewelry, indicating that it was widespread. This lack of information has puzzled historians. A hint was found in the form of multiple texts from the time ridiculing astrologers and claiming that "Astrology is bullshit," among other criticisms. As such, the leading theory is that this hostility towards Astrology lead to the destruction of much of the documentation of its history and is the reason why its followers were never counted on the census or other such documents.

The main religious text of Astrology is called the Homestuck, and for this reason, followers of the religion are called both Astrologers and Homestucks. The text details the story of the twelve beings, called trolls, of the Astrological pantheon, as well as several other important figures in the religion. It is believed that followers would choose one of the twelve trolls to worship and would identify each other using that troll's Zodiac sign. For example, a Gemini was a follower of Sollux. Another important figure was the Signless, who has been compared to the Jesus Christ of Christianity (Section 4.02). The Signless is not associated with any Zodiac sign but rather is an ancestor of those trolls in the main pantheon. Followers of the troll Karkat (called "Cancers") believed that Karkat was the Signless reincarnated.

Homestucks would pay tribute to their chosen trolls not only in the symbols kept in their homes but in their everyday lives as well. Astrologers would often make posts on the Internet intended not to spark conversation but rather to evoke their chosen troll; Internet posters who did this were said to be "trolling." There were also actions Astrologers could take to pay tribute that were specific to a particular troll. The most famous instance of this is the use of the number 69, which was important in the popular culture of the early twenty-first century, and historians believe this popularity is due to its resemblance to the symbol of the troll Karkat. Cancers would incorporate the number into their lives as often as possible, describing it as "nice" when the number came up in conversation or even trying deliberately to make sixty-nine come up whenever numbers were at play. One popular short film from the time laments that sixty-nine cents is "not enough money for chicken nuggets," upsetting the speaker, who had hoped to pay tribute to Karkat with the purchase.


End file.
